Posted by Anonymous on 2015/07/14 under Uncategorized I never really get my purpose in life.. Like I understand, that I am here for something according to some people, to others I’m nothing. It makes me feel wanted that some people truly want me here. However, the other part destroys me, it makes me experience such devastating feelings. I don’t how to live anymore, it bothers me that my own mom hates me. No wonder no one cares about me, if a mother doesn’t want her child, who would want me? No one. I forget about everything, and it seems like I space out. I don’t want to be me, I don’t want to live in a homes where I don’t feel safe, lost, empty and unloved. I guess, I do have people who care about me but you have to understand, that when your mother doesn’t love you, it doesn’t matter if others care about you. Well it does, I know it does, but I seem to leave that part out. It’s like my mom, breaks me and makes me feel so weak, so lost. And her boyfriend doesn’t help much either, I mean he basically sexualy abuse me. Like he touched me and kissed me forcefully and I don’t know what to do. Well, honestly this happened a long time ago, when I was 15 and 16, it continues till this day that he does this. And if I am honest with you, I don’t feel anything, like I feel like it doesn’t bother me, but I know deep done I do. I haven’t told my mom because she would called me a slut and probably won’t believe me. I mean she abuses me herself. It’s weird, how when she hits I don’t cry, it’s like i don’t react anymore. Tell me how much that pisses her off, knowing she can’t make me cry. Hey, though I do want to cry but not in front of her, no, I don’t want to give her the satisfaction. You know, knowing she has effect towards me, but of course she does. Who am I kidding, she is my mother. You want to know what she does if I don’t react she hits me harder until I do cry, and I do. Nothing seems to be working out for me. I don’t want to live in such a world like this. I want to disappear, runaway.. Escape this madness.
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I actually feel bad for your situation , but in weird ways I can actually relate to the mother situation .. What I can say is keep your head up don’t give them.what they want .. Prove that you are someone , because in the future they will need you ,and you probably won’t help.because of whats happening now . And I actually feel for you.on that one because your mother had no right saying she don’t love you o dont care how evil she is she had no right