Posted by Anonymous on 2015/07/04 under Uncategorized Being cheated on. It’s bad enough as it is but think about it when you have a Mental illness when that one person you live for, you’d die for, you think about constantly -or in your mind YOU THINK this – has done it what then? Some people have the strength the realise when their not wanted but us people? Nope we feel like we live for their presence we feel like we NEED them to carry on! No one understands the feelings that can go through your mind unless you’re living with it! It’s hard it’s actually so hard when all you’re thinking about is that!- the nightmares, the flashbacks, the what ifs, the cries for help but honestly you look at this person and the reason you’re putting yourself through this hell is worth it… but why? The answer is because you live for them, you have nobody else in the world to turn to and this…. This isn’t fair. Maybe they just know they’re all you have… They know your situation and how you think so maybe, just maybe they think this makes it okay…. Not knowing how much it’s killing you inside that you need them but you’re thinking about it, when you’re with them, when you go places you’ve been with them, when you try and try to forget it but can’t!! They don’t think of this they just know you can’t be without them and maybe they take this for granted? Was this really a mistake or do they KNOW you’re the only thing keeping me here, giving me a reason to wake up in a morning, giving me a reason to breathe. I don’t know but it’s breaking my heart and slowly breaking me too, more than I ever thought anything could and this, THIS is worse than anything you possibly thought destroyed your life before living with this horrible mental illness. This is destroying me, this is killing me, maybe the reason I live and want to breathe is the reason I don’t want to do any of these things anymore 😔 But then you think how much you want them, how much you crave what the feelings they give you because no one has ever made you feel that way and how do you deal with these thoughts constantly? The pain running through your mind but knowing you just want them, but you don’t just want them you NEED them, HOW, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS?! Especially when no one can understand you! ‘Just end it’ ‘just get on with it’ none of these things are ever going to be possible but no one understands NOONE. What do I do? Where do I go? When the only thing I want and have to turn to has done this and I have no one else to turn to for help?? Even he doesn’t understand so what do i do? Where do I go? I have nothing and no one else to help me get through these days 😒😓 Why doesn’t anybody understand and why why would he do this to me?!?! I KNOW it’s all my fault I know this but to hurt me so deep and for so long I didn’t think anyone especially the person I literally adore could do this. I admire him I literally adore him so how could he? It’s me it’s supposed to be who he loves to and he’s hurt me so much! I can’t stop thinking about it! It’s only another girl to him but to me it’s my life being shattered into little tiny pieces and everywhere I go is a reminder, a CONSTANT reminder of what he’s done and how much it’s cutting into me but a smile and pretending I’m okay is all it needs to cover up what’s really going on inside of my head. How do I do this? Because tbh I can’t on my own 😔 every thought, every glance, every time I close my eyes I see it and u can’t stop it how could this happen to me and my best friend? To me and the only person I live for? Please just take it all away from me I can’t live with this pain any longer…. It’s killing me. I can’t close my eyes I can’t be certain places I can’t be me what is happening? What do I do?! Please help.