Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2015/07/04 under Uncategorized

Sometimes I think about what I would say if someone asked me about my story; what makes me what I am.
I can see why people as teenagers and younger adults consider this generation “broken.”
But I don’t want to be apart of that. I never did. I didn’t ask to be put in the life I have been, just as nobody does. That’s kinda what life is about. Each individual person has experienced things. Different things from the people next to him/her. Everyone on this planet has little pieces of “stuff,” like events that happen to us daily, mixed with other “stuff.” like environment and emotions, and all these little details, when combined, produce something that makes us all individually beautiful.
Sometimes, these mind materials give us something different when looked back on under different perspectives. Its so beautiful. Everyone is like a book. Each of its readers, or people we encounter daily, take us in differently, or different parts of us differently, depending on their experiences and all the little things that make them who they are.But i digress. What I originally wanted to say was that when someone asks me my story. I want to able to amaze them. I don’t want to be easily defined, and I want to pull myself out of all my troubles, and come out clean in the end.
This generation subtly promotes the “wasting away” of us; giving ourselves over to our problems.
Broken is the new black. But it shouldn’t be. I don’t want to sit here, waiting for myself to jump out my window, or slit my wrists just a little too deep. I want to change and help myself. I understand completely, that this isn’t an easy thing to do. Coming from a person who has suffered from a crippling panic disorder that has me eating in bathroom stalls at school and never eating at home, I understand. But this is what makes such a recovery so beautiful. I want for people to hear my story and just be wowed that through the discrimination from my family and friends, I helped myself.
Or at least I desperately want it to be that way. I don’t have anyone around me to help; no friends or family who can. So through the process of elimination, that leaves me.
I want to go from kid who refused to speak to people, and lost the ability to walk at a young age due to sickness, to the kid in a good college who, no matter how much they wanted the contrary, didn’t give up.

I need this. It’s going to be hard, but I need it.

Because its only me right now.

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