Posted by Anonymous on 2015/06/01 under Uncategorized I am just pretending I don’t love you. But the fact is, I still do love you. I used to struggle with the heavy feelings. Now it seems I’ve transcended them. I know you care about me in some ways. In order not to love you, I pretend to take your care for granted. In my heart, I am actually deeply moved. I want to give you a hug and a kiss. But on the surface, I have to pretend I don’t feel much. It’s not because I don’t love you, it’s precisely because I love you too much, beyond the conventionally allowed level. That’s why I have to hide all those feelings away, carefully, not wanting you or anyone to discover them. I put thicker and thicker layers over them, until I can’t feel anything. Now I even try to act I am not impressed. Maybe I’m overdoing it. I feel stupid now. Well, I always say thanks to you. Sometimes I just don’t want to say it too much so you feel awkward. Your gentle words, “I’ll be there in the meeting with you…” actually makes me feel moved, but at the same time, feel not trusted. I don’t know whether it’s because you really care about me that much that you’ll be there to support, or you simply can’t trust I can do a good job so you’ll be there to make sure things are alright. I don’t know. The way you say those words – you downplayed any significance, as if it’s very casual. I get that you’re doing the same – not wanting to show care. maybe you are also pretending not to like me. I am confused. But I do know, I still love you. Though I pretend I don’t.