Posted by Anonymous on 2015/05/26 under Uncategorized I feel like the scars on my body that i formed are meant to be there, then sometimes i think they’re not. my wrists ache for a blade, my body trembles for an ending, my mind’s making it known that it’s given up a long time ago. People tell you to be strong. To bet the storm. But I’ve been stuck in this same storm for years and years. 5 years now. 5 f***ing years of hell. Maybe more, I’m sure it’s been more. because by the time he’s read this, I am most likely going to be gone.
5 years of wishing I was dead. 5 years wishing i was good enough. 5 years of wanting to be thin. 5 f***ing years of wanting to just end it all.
I’ve had 3 suicide attempts. Only one was required to be taken to the hospital. I’m not perfect, which I understand because no one happens to be. But I want to be pretty, to be beautiful. To be something everyone wants to love. But that’s not me. And i’ve had enough of that.
I hurt myself the most in the shower. Usually only in the bathroom is where i harm myself. I cut really deep yesterday, it bleed for an hour-it usually stops after a couple seconds. I was proud, happy, yet, disappointed and scared.
I wanna die.
I don’t wanna be free from the pain anymore.
I just wanna be…
Gone.
Forever.
The only person who made me feel..perfect..left me because he doesn’t love me enough to deal with the distance.
Without him, Lately, it’s been hard. Certain words cant be said without me braking down.
If he ever reads this.. he’ll know it’s him..
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Now im not going to tell you to not do it. I myself have no right to do that, because i dont know you. But i do know that there are people who care about you, even if you think there arent. And there are also stupid people in the world who will tell you suicide is cowardice, selfish, and downright disgusting. Those people are a bunch of ignorant c***suckers. Ive felt feelings similar to yours, and only one thing helped… And you arent going to like the answer… I started reading a Bible that someone gave me. Try it… You will realize that most “christians” today dont even follow the teachings of their own god. But the real God, who is a caring and loving father, shows concern for those who are feeling what you are feeling. Please give it a try. What could it hurt?