I feel like no matter what I do, nobody will ever like me as a human being. I feel like every person I’ve ever known has only pretended to like me out of pity, like I have a mental condition and no one has ever told me. I feel like no matter how hard I practice, how much I persist, how many conversations I try to stir up, or how much I really care about someone, I’ll never be able to please them. Never. They’ll always just get bored and kill every conversation I have with them by creating awkward silence, waiting a little bit, then pulling out their phone or talking to someone else without me. Everyone would rather leave me to talk to someone else without me or stare at pixels on a glass screen than talk to me. I know that God loves me and He should be enough but in my head He’s not. What’s wrong with me?
“You are not worthless”
At least that’s what they say right? So often it feels like there truly is no response to our feelings of worthlessness. I can relate to your post nearly 100% (I’m not so convinced by the whole “God loves me” thing because it seems as though whatever supreme being that may exist out there is purposefully damning me as punishment for my many errors). So yes, I can relate to the lack of self-worth you speak of. Do I have some words of wisdom that fixes that? I do not. In fact, I am very much in the same boat as you in regards to feeling like nothing. But know you’re not alone. Losing absolute hope on yourself is the last step to losing the last remnants of your inner self. There’s people who feel the same way as you, so be assured that you’re not on this bandwagon alone.