Posted by Anonymous on 2015/05/06 under Uncategorized I started talking to this guy on Halloween. I don’t know how he got my Kik but he randomly kiked me so We talked for a few days and called each other and talked a few times. And I don’t know how but we just instantly connected. Like everything about him had me hooked and we didn’t even know each other. It took 4 days for him to ask me out and normally I would never ever say yes to someone I’ve only known for a few days let alone someone I’ve never met in person. But something about him was so different and I’ve never felt the way I felt about him with anyone else. It was crazy. He was all I thought about and I just wanted to know him and I even though we barely knew each other I felt like I could tell him anything about myself and he would never judge me or say anything to hurt me. I found myself instantly falling for a stranger and I couldn’t stop myself. We talked 24/7 about everything. We had only been together 2 weeks and honestly he knew everything about me and I knew just about everything about him. (Or I thought I did). By our one month I was hooked and in love. Yes you’re probably thinking that I’m stupid for saying that because I didn’t even know him in person but honestly I didn’t even need too. After talking to him and getting to know him I didn’t even need to meet him in person to know that I was in love. I’ve never felt anything so special and so powerful in my life. It was like this never ending spark of energy and light inside me that just made me feel sooo good. And I was absolutely in love with him. 3 months went by and I was so happy. I constantly smiled and I was always in such a good mood. The holidays went by and we talked a lot and it was just an amazing end to the year. But when the new year hit it’s like a switch was hit. As the weeks went on he got distant and we slowly stopped talking. We had made plans to hangout on Valentine’s Day. I went out and bought him stuff I got my nails done and bought a new outfit and spent 3 hours getting ready. Cheesy s*** I know. But I was so excited! I was finally going to meet him! He told me he was coming and all this stuff and then he just stopped replying to me. After sitting alone for a few hours I realized that I had been stood up. I was crushed. I kept thinking of excuses for him like maybe something important came up and he couldn’t come. I just didn’t want to accept the fact that I was stood up on Valentine’s Day and that I was sitting alone with my makeup done and my hair done and that it was all for nothing. Around 7 that night he texted me saying his sister got into an accident and that’s why he couldn’t come and I wasn’t sure if I believed it or not but it was done and over with so I just let it go. So I cried and wiped my tears from my face and just moved on from that. He apologized and said he was sorry and I forgave him because it’s whatever. But he continued to be distant with me. I don’t know why but we went from talking all day everyday to one message a day and sometimes one message a week. Like we’re we over? Did I do something wrong? I didn’t understand. I kept asking if he still wanted to be together and I kept asking why we stopped talking. He would always say that he had a lot going on and that he was busy. But how long does it take to send a text or make a phone call saying “can’t talk today I have a lot going on”? Like is that hard? I just didn’t get it. So I stopped messaging him. I wanted him to think that I stopped caring about him just like he stopped caring about me. But really I sat by my phone all day waiting for it to ring with his name. Day after day for weeks months I waited for nothing. It sounds dramatic and that’s why I’ve never told anyone this because I know it’s stupid and I need to get over myself but I just can’t let go of it. I cant help myself for loving him. I kept holding on to the good memories and pushing the bad ones away. Just hoping that things would change and go back to normal but it never did. The only time he would ever want to talk to me was to ask for nudes or because he wanted to have phone sex. I should’ve given up after the first month of being treated like this but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let go of the way I felt for him. Even though he just used me I just couldn’t let go. I was a mess. Like what was I doing to myself? Obsessing over a boy who doesn’t care about me?.. Why was I wasting my tears on him? There’s so many boys out there who could treat me right yet I couldn’t let go of this one. So there I was. A stupid young teenage girl just waiting for what was never coming. The boy I fell in love with on November 2nd wasn’t there anymore. And I needed to live with that. So I tried to move on. I tried to surround myself with friends and it worked for a while. I focused on school and stuff and I was doing really good! For once in a long time I was doing good again. But every now and then I’d think of him again and then I’d break down. I just could not seem to let go. I did something stupid to try and get his attention and make him realize how he was making me feel because he obviously didn’t care. But what I did was stupid and it just messed things up worse. So we ended up breaking up. And I thought I would completely break and just lose it. But I honestly felt relief. After months and months of caring so much and crying and worrying about someone who didn’t give a f*** about me I was finally free. Free to worry about me and to just move on with my life. But after a week of us not being together he messaged me. He was sweet and stuff and I talked to him for a few. He kept saying that he missed me and that he wanted to get back together and fix everything that went wrong but I didn’t know if I wanted to put myself through all of that again. So I told him I didn’t know. So a few nights later he asked me for nudes and I told him no. So he threatened to post all of my old nudes that I had sent him when we were together on Twitter. And that’s all it took for every single feeling I had for him to just go away. I hated him so much. I’ve never sent pictures to anyone before because of that reason. I have trust issues and that’s obviously why. It takes one a****** who you thought you could trust to turn and just hit that send button and ruin you. Right then and there all of the love I felt for him turned into hatred. I hated him. I hate him. But do I really? After all of the things he’s done to me and put me through I should hate him shouldn’t I? But do I? Because if I hated him I wouldn’t still think about him everyday. And I wouldn’t be sending this long ass thing about him if I just didn’t care. But the truth is, I do care.. And there’s a part of me that will probably care for a long time. I’ve had multiple boyfriends who I thought I loved. Ones who I’ve had my first kiss with. And ones who I’ve lost my virginity to. And ones who were just there it the time being who I had “crushes” on. But never have I ever felt the way I feel about jayriah with anyone else. I may have never got to meet him in person. Or hold his hand or kiss him or even look into his eyes. But I did fall in love with him. And I did cry over him. And I do care about him. And one day I hope someone will care about me the way I care about him. And I hope that no one ever has to go through what I’ve been through these last 6 months. Because it sucked. Dating him was the best thing I’ve ever done. But Falling in love with him was the worst pain I’ve ever felt.