Posted by Anonymous on 2015/03/02 under Uncategorized All I can ever think of is how I failed at being a mother. How my two beautiful girls suffer each day due to my horrible decisions. I made the mistake of trusting my husband who I knew deep down has always been one not to trust. Years ago he got into gambling and even managed to remortgage the house without my knowledge and when I found out it was too late since we were going to lose the house if we didn’t remortgage again. I have two little girls and all I could think of was I can’t let them lose their home. The only way I got through it was thinking that things can only get better from here and I thought it did but instead it got worse. Almost 2 years ago my husband got a job offer in the United States. We were living in Canada and struggling to pay back all his debt and the job offer felt like maybe this was the new beginning we all needed. The houses were way cheaper and the income higher. I felt like my kids finally had a chance to get a taste of a better life. It was fabulous the first couple of months. My kids loved that they finally got to go on a plane for the first time. Things were cheaper so it was nice to buy them pretty clothing and take them to fun places. Letting my kids be kids for once. We finally purchased a house and it seems within a few months of buying it my husband decided he works and he gets paid so it’s his money. It kills me because I can’t even get a social security number since we are down here on his work Visa. I can’t take them anywhere or even buy them necessities like shoes or clothing for school. Hearing my husband yell at them when they say their hungry at night hurts so much. I did at first try and find free things to keep them happy but my husband a few months ago was looking for something and thought I took it so he demanded to go through my purse which resulted in a fight and he managed to slam the slider door repeatedly on my face which cause a tooth to break. Between the tooth pain and knots in my stomach I can’t seem to sleep which has caused me to snap at my girls. I honestly wish that someone would just come and take my girls away from all this. I am the worse mother because I don’t even know how to go about fixing my mistakes. Yes I can easily call the cops on him but where would that leave the girls since the only one with an income is their dad who does pay all the bills. I’d go back to Canada so I could at least work but that involves money too. I don’t need pity. I just for once needed to voice what goes through my head a million times a day. I like most mothers love my kids so much that it just hurts so much to know I failed them.
2 thoughts on “Feeling Trapped”
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Leave now. Trust me it is easier when they are younger. Call the Canadian consulate. Call family, call the police. Leave now. It seems very difficult but you will be a happier person in the long run, a better mother and it will just get worse the longer you stay. Leave now. I wish someone would have given me this advise years ago when my children were little – now I am trapped with an angry alcoholic gambler…just need to get my kids through high school then I can find peace and happiness. Leave.
Thank you so much for you advice. I’m so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. Kind of wish us moms could find one another and help one another to get through these times.
My girls are 6 and 8 so I want to do this as gently as possible. I’ve emailed the Canadian consulate to see what my option are. I don’t want to call since I know my husband checks all my phone records and I just don’t need a reason to set him off.
I’ve tried to ask for help from my mom but to her marriage is marriage and you stick through it. As for friends, through the years as my own fault I’ve lost all of them. It just became too hard to pretend anymore. I just never had the courage to tell anyone the truth.
Thank you so much because I know it will only get worse so I need to do something.