Posted by Anonymous on 2014/12/25 under Uncategorized I don’t know if it’s just me or if it’s what he did to me that makes me dislike, no, not dislike but HATE the holidays. I wish I could be happy and I wish I just I don’t know. I feel stupid right now, just typing whatever comes to my mind. But I don’t want to write it down because I want someone to read it but I don’t want anyone to know how I feel or why, if that makes any sense? Christmas is my dads favorite holiday and I feel like I’ve been a total b**** but I just don’t want to participate in ANYTHING. All I really want to do is get drunk to the point I blackout or die. This is the first time in a long time I truly feel like dying, there’s too many people here. I’m crying and I don’t know why. I just want this day to be over. I know I’m not making any sense but it feels good to let it out and to know that I’m not being judged. I hate feeling like this. I feel like I have no confidence, I feel fat and ugly I know life is a roller coaster but sometimes my feelings are too strong to bear. This will haunt me for the rest of life and I hate him for it. Therapies don’t help and I’m not as strong as people say I am.