Posted by Anonymous on 2014/11/10 under Uncategorized I’m so angry, so so angry… But not at you. I’m mad at myself! How could I be so stupid?! How could I let myself get so used to you? How did I let myself fall in love with you?
I was perfectly okay a few months ago just being your friend. In fact a few months ago I would have encouraged you to be with someone.
But you made me believe that you cared! You spent all of your time with me, you literally cuddled with me over and over. You played with my hair while we laid in bed and you teased me and poked me and you wrapped your arms so tight around me so that I couldn’t get away when you tickled me! You made me feel safe! You held my hand and you kept me warm! We almost kissed…
How can you sit there and pretend like none of this happened? How can you pretend like there was nothing? Was it really all in my head? How could you do this to me? Was this your plan all along?
No don’t expect me to be okay! I’m not okay! I’m not okay… You broke my heart…
But I can’t be mad at you, I can only be mad at myself. For not being verbal about my affections. For not saying everything I was showing you physically verbally. I should have told you that I liked you. I should have… But I didn’t and now you’re hers and not mine and while you’re out with her, I’m here… I’m here left with only my thoughts and mistakes regretting ever falling in love with you. For ever letting you get too close. For ever letting you do anything. God, 8 years down the drain.
I hate myself for thinking that you were different. For thinking that someone like you could ever like me as anything more than a homework source. And the craziest part of all is that I still love you and I still want you back in my life.
Please put me out of my misery. I don’t want to feel like this. I can’t take this pain.
3 thoughts on “my first broken heart… and i don’t know what to do”
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I am so sorry for you.. I know how much this hurts.. I could relate so much! I don’t know what’s up with you but.. Please do tell him if you haven’t.. It’s gonna help.
I know how you feel ive felt the same. First off you need to tell him how you really feel. Believe me it will take some weight off your shoulders. After you have done this add another comment under ill come back and tell you more.
I did tell him, I told him I was upset, that it liked him a lot and that I still wanted to be friends but right now it just hurts too much… But he never responded. And that made me angry because what does that even mean? Why didn’t he just tell me, “hey sorry I sent you mixed signals but I never liked you as more than a friend and I’m sorry”? I’m not asking him to leave her, mostly because this sucks and I don’t want her to feel like this because of me, but why can’t he just give me an explanation?