Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2014/09/29 under Friends

So a couple weeks back I posted something with the same title and in short, I felt that I didn’t have any friends.

Today once again, I was left out on quite a few things. It’s not that I didn’t make the effort. I did but to no avail so I stopped trying?

It hurts when you try but to to avail and it also hurts now when you see how left out you are in the midst of so many people. I’m not sure which hurts more though.

And as the days go by and being a student gets tougher, I’ve become more and more of a “idgaf” person. To be honest I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not because one thing for sure is that by being so, I experience less pain. I do deel that I’m running away from my problems but I really don’t want to go through all that again.

Sometimes I really want to stay asleep. I find so muc comfort in sleeping. I want to go out and have fun but there’s no one to go out with so I find comfort in staying home. I’ve learned to find comfort in anime or in fantasy and things that aren’t real. I’ve been enjoying them a lot since I was young but now it’s to the point where I feel that I’m using them as a cushion. Something to mend the pain or protect me from the pain of my fears of getting hurt again.

Ugh f***. It really sucks to be alone. I’m envious of people who have had friendships for like what, 5/6 years even when they’re only 18. I hate it man I hate it. So what if people know me and that I’m popular. I don’t have anyone to turn to.
But really I don’t know whether I wanna give up the popularity for just a few friends.

Maybe it’s becAuse I’ve started out with no friends that I started yearning so much for popularity. But in the end, if I’m gonna drop this popularity but still have no friends, then what’s the point right cause it’s gonna hurt even more.

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