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Posted by on 2013/07/11 under Uncategorized

I’m starting to realize that all the things I want in life is just that. A want. It is not a need that I will die without, and waiting isn’t going to hurt me either. Even with this new realization, I’m having trouble adjusting. I feel, inadequate and so poor. I have so many things to be grateful for. I may not have a house but I am not homeless, I may not have a job but I have a trade not many others have, I may not have a car but my legs still work, I may not have a ring on my finger but I have the most loving man by my side, and I may not have a dog anymore, but I still have a healthy troublesome cat reeking havoc in my home. Truthfully, I am very happy with the things I have. But I am always looking at the person next to me like the grass is always greener. How would I go about stopping this mind frame? This time I’m a bit stuck because I haven’t met anyone else deal with it in a way that came out well. I don’t want to belittle the things I have by wanting more and more, but I can’t deny the feeling. I keep thinking, “Well, once I get this, I’ll be happy.” and I might have to admit if not aloud but at least in my own safe haven in my head, that I might be depressed. I am never happy for long, but who else is these days anyways? I continue to have dreams of what I imagine to be a better life and though I’m elated by the thoughts, I fear for how I could make it come true in real life. As a teenager, I never thought I would make it to my 20’s and here I am now. I still feel like I have no future, that in a few more years if that, an accident will happen and I wont see my 30’s. So its hard imagining myself in the career I want, the home, the family because of this.

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