Posted by Anonymous on 2013/04/14 under Uncategorized its…indescribably painful when i hear people talking about how strong i am, how i can put up with anything and i don’t seem to show anything. i wish they were talking about my strength or something, instead theyre talking about me and my mental strength. the people talking don’t know a thing about me either, not about whats going on inside. in my head, im kicking myself for what i did, trying not to cry about something, trying to keep everything i have bottled up inside of me, and i don’t even know why. i feel so alone, in public, around friends, i never allow myself to show anything, and it really hurts. even when im home, im just alone, its like ive forgotten how to be with people, how to interact or something. the only time i even find a little bit of comfort is at night when i cant get to sleep because im finally letting things out, making my pillow wet and trying not to wake anyone up as i just sit there and cry until i cant anymore or i fall asleep or i get it all out. then i get to put that stupid mask ive created for myself back on and act like nothings wrong all over again. like i have a good life, like im not alone, and like i don’t feel like im losing myself, wasting away inside. i cant believe how painful it was. i think what hurt more though, is when i tried to show someone what was inside, how they thought i was mental because i finally let myself talk to someone about it, how i hide things and everything. that’s probably what made me withdraw even more, i wish i hadn’t, i hate this so much. i cant even show who i am to my boyfriend, i tried to once and all he did was change subjects and then he didn’t talk to me for a while until i was back to who he was used to. i cant stand any of this anymore. i just don’t know what to do…