Posted by Anonymous on 2013/04/14 under Uncategorized Sometimes I really kinda want to end things, weve dated for a year and I love that, I love you, I really do. I don’t want to end thing because that I don’t love you or anything, I think its only grown since when ive met you. But I have so much crap going on in me, I don’t even know what to do about it anymore. I hate it so much. I wanted to be the person who made you happy, I haven’t been able to do that. I make you happy maybe once a week, when we’re joking around and Im able to push all this crap from my head. but lately ive just been making you upset, you’ve been happy and I get so much going on in my head I end up bringing you down too. I keep lieing trying to cover it up and I know you hate it when I lie, who wouldn’t, but my entire life is built on lies, I was taught how to lie so I wouldn’t get hurt, its hard to just stop. im sorry. I really want to just stop things sometimes, wish you would break up with me. it would tear me apart to no end but at least you would be happy. I always think about what I would do if that did happen, and I have no idea what I would do. its creepy as heck but your the only thing I really think about anymore, how to make you happy, what you and me do and how weve talked and how its made me smile to no end. but if it did happen, I would kind of lose the reason why I do a lot of things. why im even alive actually. I have a bunch of promises that I wouldn’t do away with myself, but really, the only one I care about is to you, because ive never liked someone before, eighteen years and your the first person I ever felt something for. that sounds stupid I bet, but right now, I don’t really care. i just want you to be happy Kuro, i don’t care what happens to me, i really don’t. i quit caring years ago. i have so much against me mentally; MPD, depression, schizophrenic, im afraid of people and so many things seem to be against me, and you know all about them. i want to ask you why you still date me, if you still even like me a little bit, but youll get mad or sad or something. i hate it, i cant say even close to half the things i want to because i have to act a certain way. i cant even act anymore, ive been so bad at it lately. like now, i have no idea why im crying, why im sad or anything. i get to talk to you, i should be so happy, why am i not? i get to talk to someone i love so much, so so much, why cant i smile? why cant i even fake it? i love you so damn much. i cant even describe it, i really cant. i don’t know how to show it or anything. im so sorry, im so very sorry