Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2012/12/06 under Uncategorized

I seriously am starting to think that love is nothing but a f***ing joke. I have been in a rough patch with love for four years now. First off I have never had a relationship longer than three months. Boys get mad because I am not easy. Now I am in college and I realize how messed up my head is. I want that perfect love story so bad that I will do anything to get it. People say wait but I have done that, I was single for almost a year, and I was also miserable. I also went out looking for it, and that always ends up bad. It’s not like I like dating all of these people I just want to find the right one. I also fall very quickly, #GeminiTendency

I fell in love with a boy named Billy recently, the hardest I have fallen for anyone to date. First time around he went back to this dumb b**** that treated him like s*** and left him with her two demon spawn children to go drink with her friends. Second time around after dating this girl three times he now says he’s too unstable for a relationship, and says he’s just looking for a f*** buddy after claiming he can’t do that because he gets attached so quick. Not to mention that he is talking s*** to everyone I know because I decided to pour my heart out to this grade A D-bag. My friends now hate me because they think I should stay single, but it is really hard when you see so many happy people around in f***ing couples. Excuse me while I go die a little inside because it reminds me how I might not be good enough. This boy has put in a sick spell that I am slowly getting out of while I talk to his brother Tyler. Tyler has done nothing but show me Billy’s true colors.

Now I talk to Tyler and realize he is a sweetheart. He is according to Billy and others “The Chunkier Uglier version of Billy” which broke my heart because I added Tyler because he seemed cute and nice. Tyler and I have been talking and I am starting to like him. Only problem is that he is living in another state. I have done long distance and hated it to death. Tyler hasn’t had much luck in the dating department too. So it makes me wish he lived here so I can get to know him better. Once again, Love is a joke because it can never go right.

So now I am a depressed mess that hasn’t really eaten or slept in a couple days. I have also cried non stop. I also had a nightmare that I stood in front of Billy and I slit my throat right in front of him, and the last thing I did before I died was flipped him off. I could never commit suicide, I have too many things and people to live for, but it was a nightmare. I just feel like it is time to give up. My heart has been through so much in the last four years that it has been burned to ashes. My friend Mavrin said that the greatest of phoenixes rise from the ashes, but how will that be possible when the ashes have been watered down by my salty tears. My friends hate me, and I fell in love with the biggest prick of all. I like a guy thousands of miles away, and I feel like I am gonna die alone. That has always been my biggest fear.

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