Posted by Anonymous on 2011/03/09 under Uncategorized I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I really like someone that doesn’t like me back, how naive, maybe it’s just because I am letting everyone down. I want to help others, but I never know what to say. I want to succeed in what I love, but I’m just not getting what I need for it. I can’t talk to anyone because I don’t want them to get upset, I don’t want them to be hurt, and I don’t want to show them how depressed I am. I’m not sure why I feel so depressed, usually I can just smile and forget about why my life sucks, and live with happiness, but right now, for some reason, I’ve never felt more lonely, or hurting. I don’t know how to express this feeling. I’m not sure what my life will be like, but I’m just hoping that maybe it will stop soon. I don’t care how, as long as it’s not by my own hand, which that wouldn’t happen, but only because of the expenses that would be put upon my family. I have so many people that love me, and I know this, and I still find a way to be depressed. And feeling depressed, I also feel selfish. Why do I think the way I do? I am a plague to the world, scum that shouldn’t exist. A Grenouille of sorts, although it isn’t the smell of others that leads me to want to find a cave to just stay in, but instead that fact that I have a disgusting thought process that makes me extremely upset with myself. I can’t deal with it, I really can’t, and I wish I could talk to someone, instead of just typing away to random people, but who can I talk to that I won’t upset, or that it wouldn’t lead to me ruining their day? I’m just so frustrated with myself, and it’s so overwhelming, I want to cry but I don’t want someone to walk in and see me. I’m a disgrace to myself, and as hard as I try to give everyone I possibly can in the most positive way I can, I just can’t give myself any of the same love. And it is hurting.