Posted by Anonymous on 2015/04/15 under Friends I have a best friend. We’ve known each other for 10 years. He’s always been there for me, and we’ve been through a lot together… A few days ago, I finally told him and my family that I think I have depression. My mom is trying to get me to make friends. A bunch of forced friends isn’t what I need. It won’t help, and it might even make me feel emptier… I’ve had so many failed friendships I’m afraid to trust anyone new. She’s frustrated with how her daughter’s resisting. She told me, “If you don’t try to fix anything, how will you fix yourself?” I can’t fix myself. I’m broken. That night I went to bed. And I cried. I felt like since he knew that I had to at least try, he probably thought I was weak, because I am. Shallow. Pathetic. Lazy. Forget the ten years of friendship. That night, I was terrified that he would leave me behind because I wasn’t strong enough. I still am. Because he is a better person than I am. He is so much stronger than me. If he floated off like so many others before him, I don’t know what I would do. He is the only person in my life I can be completely honest with about how I’m feeling, what I’m thinking. About how dark it’s gotten in this mess I call my mind… I can’t even apologize for not being a good friend, or for complaining about my problems so much and listening so little. I want him to help me, to make me feel better, but at the same time I hate myself for even thinking of being such a burden. I am a burden already. He is such a good person. He deserves to have a better friend than me.
The next day, I was tired and hating myself for being so lazy that I couldn’t even try to make things better. I told my best friend what my mother said. He told me, “Well, it’s true.” And some small piece of my soul knows he’s right.