Posted by Anonymous on 2014/05/11 under Uncategorized I am at a cross road. Which way do you turn when the only options seem to be pain. As I look at a glorious blue sky I know I should feel joy but am left with emptiness. Sometimes you try so hard to do everything right, you following your instincts and your heart only to be left broken. I make sacrifices to give others what they think they want even though I know they will be left with a life of turmoil, pain and abuse. Why is her judgement so clouded that she is willing to cause pain to the people that matter the most. Why does she give so much love and concern to a man that has only ever had his own interests at heart. To someone who is willing to give her and cause her pain. She is so afraid to be alone that she thinks this is the only option. He has teased her with moments of happiness that she is able t
o block everything else out. It makes me feel so sick to my stomach to see the most amazing and wonderful person I know throw away her dreams for a fairy tail that is unlikely to end with a happy ending. It never has before. He controls her every action. I know I have to stop letting this destroy me, it shouldn’t even bother me but when I see her cry I want to give her the world. Regardless of how I feel about it. I know there is a selfishness to my feelings because I am about to loose the person that has given me a happiness that I never knew existed but I must make that sacrifice for her there is nothing else I can do because either way I am left with loss. There is my torment, that is my pain. It causes me to be unfair to those that deserve my love and dedication. Disappearing from it all feels like the only option. To be resigned to my feelings and fate and knowing that I will let everybody down. Wondering if I will ever feel peace and happiness again. Knowing I have to pretend is more that I can bear. I don’t make anyone happy anymore including myself. Yes this is selfish pitty but I am resigned.