Posted by meetmythoughts on 2015/06/01 under Uncategorized It’s summer already. I should be happier and more excited, but I feel horrible. Horribly horrible. I’m the type of person who gives people awesome advice, get called a “life saver” once in a while, yet I can’t save myself. Why can’t I help myself? “Life is too short to not enjoy every second of it.” It’s not as easy. I just wished everything could finally come to an end, but I’m scared for an ending of me. Sounds silly, I know… I just don’t know what to do. I’m just tired. I need a break. Can I just fast forward my life to where I’m 21? Oooh-la, 4 years from the present. I wonder what my life would be like by then. I wonder what I’ll look like. I wonder who’ll still be there, by my side. I wonder if I’ll be married by then. I wonder if I’ve made up my mind (college-wise). I wonder if he’ll still be there… Will there still be a “forever?” This just makes me feel worse. He loves me with all he has, and as do I. YET instead of talking to him about all of this, I’m here. Talking to a wall! LOL, I am such a loser! I am so pathetic. I hate myself. I hate how I look. I hate how I allow these silly thoughts not let me be happy. I hate how I can’t accept my mothers boyfriend or his family. I hate how I am so cruel. I hate how I fake a smile, but in the inside I’m rotting away. I hate how I can’t say what I feel. I hate not allowing myself to speak up. IT ISNT EASY.
Dear god, if you’re out there.. Please help me get through this. I can’t do this alone. I need you more than ever.