Posted by Wolfbane on 2013/11/21 under Uncategorized I am a 15 years of age. I think non-stop about unpleasant stuff. I feel like there is no point in life, that people are way better off without me. I want to kill myself, I want to leave the place that causes me pain and stress. I have been through a lot and yet I can’t seem to talk to someone. I put a fake smile on, I fake my laughs and all that. I have tons of stress with school, family and friends. When I was 11 just about to turn 12 I lost my mum. I remember everything that day, it always plays through my head. My last memory of her was her wired to machines and they were the only thing keeping her alive. Then it was my grandad. My big sister hardly see’s me, my big brother’s don’t even know me or that their real mum is dead. Then a loud of sh*t went on with my family where I don’t see any of them but my little brother who lives with his mum and my dad who I live with.(sorry if it confuses you) My dad always work and can never really understand me for me. My auntie has cancer and she is to weak to fight it, they say she only has a few months to live. Then there is my friends, I wouldn’t consider most my friends ‘real’ friends, they don’t care about me like I would wish. They know nothing of me and they don’t care to try, they are only their for the sake of being nice. I feel like no one cares at all, I self harm, I think of many ways to die and all I want to do is make people smile even though I can’t succeed it myself. I know people go through worse, but some have what I don’t and that’s support, love and care. Also I would love to help people that go through stuff like me and worse, I actually do but I don’t get it in return, I can only wish such thing. I am a girl, never had a boyfriend, scratch that I have never been looked at in anyway, never been kissed. I get laughed at for it, I feel like I’m a disease to everyone around my, or that when i get close to something it dies or runs. Like my cat who I got after my mum died, he ran from me, he helped me made me smile and he was a real idiot for a cat, ran after his tail and ran into doors but I miss him, then I got an other cat but it didn’t take long for him to run. I can’t remember the last time I was hugged, I always say that I don’t like them but I want someone to see through my lies of me saying I’m fine and just hug me. I don’t ask for much, all I want is love, I don’t care if it’s love from a family, friend or boyfriend, I just want to feel like I mean something to someone. Yet I don’t know how I can last I want to die but I don’t know what’s stopping me, but I do have it set out. I’m basically on the edge and all I need is one little push and I will be gone forever… I don’t know anymore…