Somewhere To Write

Posted by MMChelle on 2014/09/07 under Uncategorized

They said, “give him time…he needs time to absorb was is happening.”
When my father first found out, he beat the crap out of me. He actually came close to strangling me to death. The hate filled his face. His last words to me were, “I don’t want to see you again, I don’t want to talk to you and I don’t want you coming to the house ever.”
He spoke and so it was. My relationships with the rest of the family disappeared. It was always that way. He ruled over everything and things went the way he said. I knew that a miracle would have to come about for him to ever change his mind.
My partner and I have been together for twenty-three years. Almost a year ago my dad’s father passed away. I had grownup very close to his parents, my grandparents. Three funerals have been the only reason the two of us have been in the same space.
This funeral had me quite upset and when I went to the front of the funeral home where he was, I felt sick. When he turned and saw me, looking at each other, we began to cry and came together to embrace. My partner told me that most of the family was standing in the back watching and saying, “look, their crying and hugging. It’s about time.”
At the dinner afterwards, he approached me and asked to get my e-mail address before I left. I gave it to him and he invited us out to the house for dessert. Feeling sick again, I told him that we would be there shortly. My sister and her husband were there as well so that helped some.
Everyone there was seated around the dining area, except him. He couldn’t/wouldn’t sit with us, he chose to stand instead. When someone else showed up at the house to talk with him, he put all his focus there. We stayed for an hour, maybe a little more. Hugs and kisses were exchanged, like usual, and we left.
In a few weeks, we will be at a year since all of the awkwardness. I have never received an e-mail from him in that time. I would be surprised to hear that he even has my e-mail address anymore. I guess time doesn’t heal all wounds.
So many years have gone by and I have finally gotten past the pain and have accepted how he wants things. How I wish he hadn’t asked for anything that day. I think about it too much all over again.

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