Posted by EyesOfChaos on 2015/06/04 under Uncategorized In the fall I will be attending a vet tech. class and it got me thinking. We will be putting cats down. 80% of the cats at the SPCA here gets put down. I always told myself that I wouldn’t EVER kill an animal. I don’t hunt. I’ve been a foster family for cats. But, as a vet tech., it’s part of the job to put animals down. People keep telling me they couldn’t do it. Neither could I. But, it’s part of the job. I couldn’t get my license otherwise. I can’t watch movies with an animal dying otherwise I’ll be depressed for the rest of the day. But, I will have to put cats down and perform on cadavers. I don’t want to. Trust me. But, if this is the only way that I will be qualified to help animals, I must do it. Afterwards I could work anywhere. Zoo, vet, food company. Pretty much everywhere. I can’t take an animal’s life. I literally can’t. I don’t know how I am supposed to deal with it. I can’t even think of the fact that it’s beef I’m eating while eating a burger, I’m going to want to cry. But, it’s sad to think, to get qualified, you must get through with it. I have my issues with mental health on top of that. How am I to deal with that? Good question. I can’t even kill bugs. I bring them outside. What am I to do? I’m going to have to start building a healthy mind to start with. To be able to deal with emotions would be a great start. But all these steps seems simple enough. Right? Not even close. I’ve been dealing with this for the longest time. I haven’t made peace with it yet. Doctors don’t understand, pushing anti-depressants and hoping for the best. I NEED to get better. But nobody can. It feels that way. I’ve seem way to many psychiatrist/psychologist. I’m at a fork road. What to do? Where to start? If only I knew the answer.