I am scared,,I don’t know what will happen..I haven’t had a close friend since 10 years ago,,no-one has stayed with me..and I try but they always think I have my own friends..and never a bf too,,i always hoped that my first bf would be my close friend too..I am also scared that once family start moving out everything will break,, they are my brothers who don’t talk to each other and my mum..also we are renting so once one starts moving out there will no where to go back to ..i am also trying so hard to look for paid jobs but i can’t get one,,i am volunteering but no money..i have felt depressed alot since the start of HS 10yrs ago but now I feel ok,,but nothings changed much..I always wanted to suicide but I believe in church and so I choose not to and don’t..I think I used to be very scared of people so thats why I didnt talk much and they were scared to talk to me..but now Im not scared anymore,,I just don’t care.. so I will say something if I want..but not mean things..and I see those mean people in movies and places and I would never hurt my friends or anyone, so why can’t I get any one to be my friend,, and I feel so more sad about that..or maybe what I think and what I do doesn’t come out..I don’t know..I will keep trying.. because I have do something good with my life..this made me feel better..