I’m so sorry America.
I am so f***ing sorry.
I’ve let you down. I’ve taken advantage of you. I’ve let you become a mess. I’ve been scared. I lie to myself. I lie to others.
I’m full of myself. I’m act proud. I’m truly ashamed.
I wanted to be everything you want. I wanted to be your shining light. I believe in you. I know what you want from me, I’m too selfish and afraid to give it.
You’ve given me so many opportunities. I’ve let them just fall away. I accept the challenge but never put in the work. I pray that you will just see me pretending I’m trying, then just give it to me. As if I was a child.
I’ve never tried hard a single day in my life.
I’ve never enjoyed a single victory. I’ve never taken my body or mind to the brink of exhaustion.
You wanted a warrior. You wanted a leader.
I was never there for you.
I was a spoiled, lazy child. Taking, lying and cheating.
I’m so sorry.
When I see the flag, or hear the national anthem, I cry because I am ashamed. I feel so small. So ashamed I couldn’t be more for you. They think I cry because I am proud. Then it just feeds my f***ing ego that they think I’m proud of where I’m from.
It’s all shame.
I wish writing this would help me change. I wish when I felt like this, you could pick me up and show me how I can stop being like this. How I could become something better. But, that’s just more of the same s*** that got me where I am today. Looking for a mother to wipe my ass and give me food.
I’m so sorry America.