i so badly just want to be wanted. to be the thing he can't have. for him to be the one hurt, checking his phone every 5 minutes hoping to see my name in his notifications. waiting on my calls and texts, checking for any sign of contact from me.
but thats me.
i'm the stupid one. i wait on his texts and calls. i'm the one hurt. i'm the one checking my phone.
he isn't as hurt in the situation as i am. he was never the sensitive one, i was always stupid falling for his attempts for my attention whenever it faltered.
but still i loved him.
i knew he only wanted to meet if it was for my body. only text if he wanted nudes.
i was never beautiful in his eyes, i was never interesting or funny. i was hot. he enjoyed looking at my flesh, my skin but nothing past that.
but still i gave in.
i knew that he just wanted my body, that his compliments were twisted for him to get his way.
but even as i write this, i wait on his calls.
i'm the one to blame at this point. i know what to expect, his next move. the other girls in his phone. still i wait on him.
she needs to understand:
you're so much more than what he waters you down to be.
you're never getting back the sleep you lose over him.
he is just a phase.
he's just a pretty boy, with a pretty voice. trying to sell you something you already have.
but still oh to be an elusive mirage, unobtainable but yearned for.
wanted.