Lately I have been feeling so numb and I can’t really tell if I’m happy or sad. I don’t know what to feel. I miss how things were before, how easy things were. Life has been very complicated ever since high school, primary school was all fun and s***. I always get good grades even if I didn’t study, at all. And I brought that habit to high school, first year was great, I could skip studying even when exams were coming and still get good grades. And then 2nd until 5th year, it was hell.. I chose the wrong friends, it was my mistake, to want to be “cool” what I thought. They were all lazy and procrastinators and into fashion and always causing scenes. I just, followed them, everywhere, how they were. But then I realized they were bulls***s when I was in 3rd year of high school, changed class, changed friends, better friends, still slacker but better. I’ve done things, horrible things, stolen things, lied, and all that. If I were to be given a chance to change things back in time, I would change myself, and undo all the horrible things I did. Really. 5th year in high school.. I was sitting for O’levels, got only 3 O’s over 8, I disappointed my parents. That was like a huge regret for me. I am a dreamer, I want this and that but no effort at all. People kept on asking for my results, that was when I hid, and I was so embarrassed. Before O’levels, I had a boyfriend who dumped me for another girl, just right before my exam, tell me again how s***ty that is. And I felt like s***, and I was amazed, how I still got 3 O’s when I didn’t study at all, because of nights of crying and heartbroken, but I’m not proud. Because I shouldn’t be proud to have bad results. I disappointed my parents.. that’s the worse thing children can do after all the hard work raising them. I resat for June papers, and I got nothing, because of another heartbreak. And honestly I hate him, so much. Mixed feelings, wth. I must take a break from love, I shouldn’t be doing this to myself. I can’t. I must stop. I am going to resit again for Nov. I hope for the best. Wish me luck. xo (Just had to let that out)