Okay. I’ve never tried this before. I guess I might as well start now…
Well, I’m not very pretty, or popular, or talented, or HAPPY. But I’m me. And that’s all that matters, right? WRONG! I want to change to be accepted and not feel lonely anymore, but no matter what I do, i fail miserably. I wish I were smarter, prettier, a better singer, a better artist, a better dancer (I take ballet. For 11 years and STILL FAIL), more social, less…. ME. I want to be less like myself. I feel like I’m useless to the rest of the world. Like: the world is looking for someone good at sports, pretty, smart, skinny, or at least NORMAL. If not that, then all of thee above. I feel like if I don’t fit in I’m not wanted and not needed so what’s the point of trying? But then again if I give up I feel even more stupid and useless. And half the time, when people think that I’m okay, I’m really faking happiness. Is it okay to fake happiness? And, when I try to express myself I end up messing up right when I have the chance of proving myself. Sometimes, when I really start trying too hard, something ends up going wrong and I end up hurt or depressed or scared to try again. It hurts to know that being myself isn’t good enough and that being me is sometimes the wrong thing to do. And I know that people love me, I really do- I AM NOT SUICIDAL! But… I feel utterly lonely from the time I wake up from the time I go to sleep. It’s like I don’t have a real connection between some people that I truly care about and love. And it seems the more I try, the worse I fail. What do I do? I just want it to be… easier.
-Signed,
Uselessly Alone