im writing this because i need to get it off of my chest. i am absolutely in love with my girlfriend. she has been my best friend for a long time and she’s honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. i grew up with a very difficult family, i had a horrinle childhood. im not complaining that i got grounded a lot, or that i didnt get any allownece. im talking about real stuff. like stuff that still bothers me to this day. i have a lot of anger. i resent somany people, and i honestly blame everyone for the way i hurt. but when i met my girlfriend, it got to the point where she made me feel okay. for the first time in forever. now, let me tell you a little about her. she is a very good person. the simplest things make her happy. and i feel like such a bad person. so being with her is already such a huge miracle to me. but,i hurt her. i emotionally abuse her. i get so mean. i make her cry. i say things i know will hurt her. i dont call her names, and i would never touch her in a harmful way. but i know the things i do do, are bad enough. i hate the hurt i see in her eyes. i hate the hurt i hear in her voice. and what kills me the mose, is that if i could just stop being angry,i would. i would do whatever it takes to just be better. if she knew how bad it hurts me to be the way i am, it would hurt her even more. i want to be better for her. i just want her to know that i love her, and im trying so hard. and i promise that one day i’ll be okay again.