All throughout my teenage years I couldn't understand why whenever I took pictures of myself they came out so… Wrong? There just wasn't something write about them. My face looked way different than what I was used to seeing in the mirror everyday. After many years I have come to a realisation that the mirror me who is pretty is what I have made myself believe is pretty. In truth, my face is ugly and asymmetrical. If one can find beauty in it congratulations to them. The flaw in my face is too big not to be noticed. Now I have dealt with the worst of acne during adolescence where my whole face was covered with pimples. But acne is always momentary. My face structure isn't. You see, I have a lopsided face on one side, almost like I was born on a hot sunny day where half of my face dropped like melting ice cream. The other half is angular and pretty but the imaginary line down the middle of my face provides a perfect comparison of both halves. It's almost like half of my face is paralyzed but it isn't.
I am annoyed to admit that I feel apologetic to all those ppl who had the misfortune to see me for who I really am. The world in the mirror didn't illuminate my ugly side. I chose to brush it off over the years. To love in blissful ignorance that I actually am conventionally pretty. All that time thinking what a catch I am seems embarrassing. Like clearly nobody ever thought me pretty to have a crush on becuz I looked so unsightly.
I hate this rant of self hate. I don't plan to start hating myself. That phase of my life is over. I'm just annoyed that now I will have to live with the knowledge that I actually first appear ugly to people. My face is the foreshadowing they may or may not realise. I don't plan to ever get in a relationship now. I probably won't ever get into the situation anyway. Whatever life has much bigger problems I know. But what a shame. My ugly face.