No matter how hard I try I always end up back in square one. And I absolutely can't stand myself anymore. I'm so pathetic. I'm a try hard. I just wanna die. I can't do this anymore. It's like I pour so much of myself out, wanting to do better and be better and my freshman year comes back to bite me in the ass. I cannot run from my past mistakes. It all adds up. I can never do better. I even told myself that I wouldn't care and that what was happening had nothing to do with me. And that it was all corrupt so why would I want be apart of that but look. I'm crying, I am depressed and I'm insecure. I let people who don't even know me define my purpose and I don't ever see myself not doing that. Everyone is better than me. i have no equals. All I can do is learn and not help anyone. I can't even get into a good college anymore. Where do I get opportunities like the one I was given. I hate myself!!!!!!!!