im so stressed at the moment but the most stressful thing of all is trying not to let the world see. i have to keep it all contained. its my grandads birthday next week, 77 on the 21st of march. he died at 71, what age is that to die at? murderers and rapists die in their 90s, how is that fair? iv got exams and coursework to prepare fo yet all i can concentrate on is staring at the computer screen for hours and hours worrying about tiny, insignificant things. i want to start a book, but i know i’ll give up. i always give up, im so weak. i want to lose weight but all i think about is eating. “one more chocolate bar won’t matter” but yes, yes it will. i need to be strong. how can i make him like me if im just a fat ugly thing. he could have his pick of any girl he wanted, i need to keep him interested, if he hasn’t lost interest already. i wouldn’t blame him. tomorrow is a new day, hopefully i can start a new. fingers crossed, maybe 2012 could be my year after all