Why do I just exist? I drain myself daily making sure everyone is okay. I'm the shoulder to cry on when you need it. Everyone now pushes me away and depends on others. Everyone's problems, anxiety, depression, etc is better than mine. Always has been that way. I have trouble opening up, but the second I do, I just exist again. No one f***ing cares about my feelings, emotions, thoughts… my own husband would rather be that crying shoulder to our friends, he's tired of me "constantly complaining and repeating" myself… I've pushed my thoughts and feelings into the depths of my heart for so long, I've forgotten what's it's like to NOT feel numb. I just want out. I just want a friend who won't take advantage of my heart. I want a friendship where we can just give each other a look, in silence, and just understand how we're feeling and never judge. I'm tired of being/feeling worthless every hour of every day of every month of every year I'm unfortunately breathing. I WANT OUT!