I miss you. I can't see the end of this tunnel. I don't know what to do. Life is changed as I know it. I still can't believe you are gone. I wish I'd made an effort to come home when I was so busy living my life in some happy bubble which burst so very badly. I don't know how to manage, how to help mom. I don't know what to do about you know who….It's a whirlpool that won't give me a chance to escape. How do I leave knowing the state I am leaving mum in? How do I stay leaving the life I am building on the other side of the world? I do not have any answers. No clear view…..help..