and just like that, its back. that feeling of insecurity, the black cloud, reasons to want to disappear. questioning everything… do they only want sex? why do they even bother? do they care? would they care if you just disappeared? then you answer of course, they take what they want because you let them, its your fault, it always has been, no they wont care, youre replaceable. but they always come back? of course. becuase youre easy and they’re bored. It’s funny how things work, you have these moments when you’re really ok. You’re doing fine. Everything is great. And like light switch it happens. You’re not ok, you’re not good enough, those good moments are fake, you feel like that becuase they want you to feel ok, they want you to be ok so they can do what they want. Here’s the thing about those great moments… they end. The ones who make you feel safe leave, ignore you, you ask for help and they do… but only when they’re bored. You don’t matter. Do you honestly think that they’d be there to help you? You ask anyways. Time and time again you try to just get let down. There’s that feeling. The urge to want to take something or do something to not feel, to not care, to not remember, and to just not exist.