I don't know why I am living. My whole life is a series of mistakes. I am with someone I don't know if I should be with. I make a fool of myself and am living for others happiness not my own. I want to change and discuss change but don't change. I look in the mirror to see a whore without a destination I should be striving for. I am in college but don't know what I want to do or be. I can't tell anyone I know because the truth is too much. I am aimlessly wandering through life instead of making a difference. I feel purposeless and stupid. I want to die but don't want to kill myself. I want to be free from myself. I don't cut but sometimes just claw at my skin with my nails as if I could pull my idiocy out. I don't want to hurt him and I love him but I know aren't compatible for life. I don't know why I can't just do what is right instead of thinking it over and over again. I want to run away. I want to be alone and disappear. I don't deserve love, happiness, or life, I waste it. God is good and I am not so I shouldn't be surprised if he leaves me here. I am empty. Sometimes I cry or have anxiety attacks but at the end of it all I have nothing. I push off the truth until I can't anymore. I feel trapped inside myself and its all my fault. None of you should know the truth but I want to tell someone. I don't even know why I wrote this. I am sorry. I let everyone down including myself.