Just when I think I am on top of my feelings and coping with life everything crashes around me……. Its like all of a sudden i wake up and realize that who i want i will never have and who i have isnt who I want… I feel awful for thinking that let alone writing it but sadly its the truth….. My thoughts and my heart are consumed with the thoughts of you…I have not felt so much misery as I have over the past 4 weeks since that night… Confusion heart ache sadness loneliness emptiness misery pain is just some of what i feel.. I never thought I could feel so empty so alone…. I never thought I could have such strong over whelming feelings for anyone… I never thought i could long for someone as much as i long for you…..My life I am living at the moment is a lie nothing but a lie… Pretending to be happy, pretending to be content, pretending to be living the perfect family life yet the whole time quietly dying inside because its you I desire, its you i wish to be with, its you my heart loves, its you my mind thinks of…..ITS YOU…..and yet you wont even speak to me…. you wont even return a message….. you ignore me……and no i dont believe its because you dont feel anything for me… I know you do…. I know and understand why you are being distant but i need you….forever love <3