I hate everyone and everything around me. I feel like no one can help and this awful state of mind is never going to end. My friends have problems but no matter how big they think they are, they don’t even compare to mine. I have no worth in this world. People ask me what I want to do with me life? I say, I don’t know, there is nothing practical I’m even remotely good at. Simple tasks are difficult to me. The only thing that I could say I’m good at is rolling a joint. and how ridiculous is that? Who gives a s*** if I can do that, no one but my friends. If I could call them my friends, I am always nice to them and generous and they confide in me and I keep their secrets even if it would destroy they relationship with their girlfriend/boyfriend. I keep it because I don’t want anyone else to get hurt, and after all the things I’ve done, they seem to just laugh in my face and call it ‘banter’. I’m always subjected to this as I can be very clumsy, constantly dropping things, forgetting things and loosing things, instead of saying ‘oh don’t worry mate, it happens to everyone’ they just say ‘oh my god you are just the clumsiest person I know, seriously, you f*** everything up.’ Yeah it might be funny to some people but they have no idea the level of depression I have hit recently, the thoughts of suicide and self harm constantly going through my head. But I can’t do that because i have to stay alive to protect the people I love because that’s all I can do. Protect.
There is so much more I want to type but to be honest I don’t think anyone would care.