if theres anything you will ever learn about me, it is that i have f***ed up all my life. i lost the one girl that meant anything to me. i havent seen my mom in over a year because she was cheating on my dad and i found it. im still determined to kill the guy that she cheated on him with. My dad used to get drunk and beat the living s*** out of me. everyday i wake up debating weather or not i should just keep going. it gets harder and harder everyday sometimes i just wanna slit my wrists open and shove them into bleach so i can feel every little second of it untill i bleed out completely. ive writen so many notes to let people know why im like this. i have no one my dad hates me my sister doesnt want anything to do with me, i cant trust anyone for what my mom did to us. ive lost alot of my friends and drugs have taken over my life. im only happy when im too f***ed up to function. lately ive been trying to get the one girl who means anything to me back and its not working. everytime i try to fix things with her i f*** it up over and over again. i have to cut myself to remind myself that i am human and that i do have feelings. i walk around school with a dead stare on my face and just wonder if im gonna get threw the day. last night i came so close to ending it all untill she saved me….. shes done it many times. im a suicidal kid that would rather be awake then asleep just so that i can hurt myself more. i hate my life. i hate who i am. and honestly id rather be dead then have to wake up tomorrow put on a fake ass smile and go to school….if you ever read this….you know who you are…i love you