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Posted by on 2011/11/29 under Uncategorized

if theres anything you will ever learn about me, it is that i have f***ed up all my life. i lost the one girl that meant anything to me. i havent seen my mom in over a year because she was cheating on my dad and i found it. im still determined to kill the guy that she cheated on him with. My dad used to get drunk and beat the living s*** out of me. everyday i wake up debating weather or not i should just keep going. it gets harder and harder everyday sometimes i just wanna slit my wrists open and shove them into bleach so i can feel every little second of it untill i bleed out completely. ive writen so many notes to let people know why im like this. i have no one my dad hates me my sister doesnt want anything to do with me, i cant trust anyone for what my mom did to us. ive lost alot of my friends and drugs have taken over my life. im only happy when im too f***ed up to function. lately ive been trying to get the one girl who means anything to me back and its not working. everytime i try to fix things with her i f*** it up over and over again. i have to cut myself to remind myself that i am human and that i do have feelings. i walk around school with a dead stare on my face and just wonder if im gonna get threw the day. last night i came so close to ending it all untill she saved me….. shes done it many times. im a suicidal kid that would rather be awake then asleep just so that i can hurt myself more. i hate my life. i hate who i am. and honestly id rather be dead then have to wake up tomorrow put on a fake ass smile and go to school….if you ever read this….you know who you are…i love you

2 thoughts on “29-11-11(0:34:11)

  1. Friend says:

    Hey I know this is a super late response but I hope you get to read it. I have never been where you are so I cannot relate. All I can say is keep pushing. You need to stop cutting and taking drugs trust me everything will be more clear. Reality sucks I am not going to lie but you have to take control over your life. Forget about that dude who your mom cheated with he is not worth your time. Your life…wow. If read this your still there and you still have a chance to become a better and with all the things you are going through you are so strong. I wish you a bright future. I hope I helped if not I tried.

  2. Alli says:

    I can relate with not trusting people. Someone I trusted A LOT cheated on their wife and I try so hard to understand… I can understand hating yourself. I don’t know who you are. But I’m misunderstood and I’m alone. I’m useless. But I don’t need to know everything about you to know that… whoever you are. I don’t give a crap that you cut or do drugs or that you’ve messed up before. I can honestly say from your story that if you ever need something… just talk to anyone. Even me. I promise you this: I will listen. And I will care. Whoever you are, I love you.

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