I just want to get out of here!
I don’t hate my life, I have an amzing mother, a wonderful brother, a hilarious boyfriend, the best friends a girl could ask for, I live a comfortable life etc. etc… but I just want to get out of here!!! I’ve been stuck here for so long I just can’t take it anymore. I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to change. I’m sick of feeling like I don’t know who I am. I just want to be in college, not know anyone there… start from scratch.
And I’m going to be a typical teenager and complain about my appearance- because I can. This is probably the thing that hurts me the most… I just can’t shake this constant feeling of “ugliness”. It’s like every girl I look at is prettier than me… I mean I’ve been told countless times that I’m gorgeous, pretty, hot etc. etc. etc. etc.! But how am I to know they are being honest? I myself have played into the game of complimenting people to make them feel better even if I don’t mean it. I don’t complain about this very often, when I do I never go into it. It’s a simple passive ‘ugh i feel so fat today’ that i can turn into a joke… when really… I’m not joking. I know I’m an average size… but I don’t want to BE an average size! I wan’t to be skinny! Like the models! I want a flat stomach and nice curves! I hate these disgusting stretch marks! I hate them I hate them I hate them!!!!! Then of COURSE my boyfriend just has to point out the dry skin on my nose. I know he doesn’t mean to, but it just makes me 10x more self conscious every time he does it. I hate my skin, I just want to rip it off and exchange with some one else (ew.)
*sigh*
That felt amazing.