sigh, its weird how my feelings work. its like they’re always conspiring against me. i want to always be happy, and this girl, well not just “this girl”, my wonderful girlfriend seems to always make me happy. but should i be always happy? like i know its not natural to always be happy, that would be stupid and defeat the purpose of being happy. but idk, she tries so hard for us, but doesnt show it all the time. like she doesnt send me a message at times when she can. she doesnt do all these small things and it bothers me so much. i dont know whats wrong with me. but the fact is, its not some normal relationship where we see eachother all the time. shes from a different religion and she isnt alowed to date yet she hides it and lies to her parents for me. like this thing right now is bothering me, and its so stupid. i want to sleep at 12 because i have an early morning ahead of me, and i want to talk to her now but it seems she has some tv show to watch and her phone needs to charge so she expects me to stay up past 12. like i never told her i had to wake up early, but she just. idk its so stupid of me and i hate that im feeling this way right now. i dont think its normal or i am. im weird. im mean. and im not that great of a guy but she sees past the flaws. i just want to cry and be comepletely alone or with her. i just dont know why i have to feel this way.