so here goes.
i assume no one will read this, but if at least one person does ill feel better.
everyone knows about the “pressure to be perfect” but i take it further. if i see an imperfection in myself i just have to keep at it until its gone. im 14 years old, 8 stone, and around 5″8. im of average weight but when i go to try on clothes im a 10 or 12. i feel horrible because all of my friends are 8’s or smaller, they keep telling me i could wear 8’s but i feel like 10 tonnes of potatoes in a 5 tonne bag (im irish, as you could probably tell by the metaphore) i skip breakfast + lunch as i have done since i was around eleven, my mum gives me a lunch every morning and i just throw it in the bin, i feel awful but its better than putting all those unnessecary calories into me. i eat around 3/4 of my dinner and would have around 2 small apples later on, just so i have something to chew on. i barely do exercise, i do 50 sit ups a night and would go to badminton once a week. im not going to lie, i do feel like i need to loose a few pounds but, when i eat something i know will put weight on me i get this horrible guilt in my stomach, like ive done something horrible. i black out sometimes and its not fun believe me, i go absolutely boiling, which isnt normal because im always cold and have raynauds in my hands and feet. anyway, i feel like im 10 degrees and i cant see or hear and i just collapse, some people would love the attention of it all but its seriously not for me. my mum tells me im skinny all the time, trying to boost my confidence, but she has found lunches i have forgotten to throw out in my bag and gets really annoyed, i guess she just feels like she isnt doing enough. my sister is doing a phd and my brothers doing a law degree, pretty smart family, i know. but me? im average/below average in things, im in foundation maths (its maths but for really slow people.) except art, i adore art and try to shine at it as best i can, i know my parents love how i can draw but its like my brother and sister are smart smart and im … well art smart? i suppose you could say. i have tryed to purge a few times but i just can’t get it, im on incredibly strong laxatives and my mum’s not chuffed about me taking them. i just want to know if theres anyone out there who ISNT incredibly skinny and who HASN’T been through it all, but for someone to think they’re just starting out, like me? if anyone reads this, reply, i feel like this could be good for me.