You're sweet, you're kind, considerate. So why are you still with me? I'm not sweet, I'm not kind, I'm not warm. I could never give you the love you crave, the love you deserve. I care for you so so much, more than I ever show. And I could never show you as I am incapable of truly accepting and expressing emotion. You deserve someone sweet, kind, warm, innocent, loving. Not me. I'm sick, I'm twisted, I hurt, manipulate. I'm cold, unattached, prideful. It does not matter what I want it's what is best for you. You want something sweet, warm. I'll never give you that, it's not what I am. I fear you have created an illusion out of me believing you will find it someday. Do not let my appearance deceive you into believing I am what you have searched for.
I say this to myself over and over, try to push you away… but I can't. I would not be able to bear it.