I have this friend, they're my very best friend. We met in high school as freshmen and I remember meeting him and kind of just feeling like we'd be friends for a very long time. I mean I told myself I was naive, i even made a joke to a non mutual friend, "if i don't get a prom date i bet i'll go with him" and she looked at me like i was crazy, "Pshhh what?? come on you really think you'll still be friends by then" and I guess i laughed and said, "probably not, you're right i'm thinking too far ahead," especially since we were hardly friends at the time, but low and behold, we became super close, hung out every weekend went on adventures, even after high school we both cried when we went our seperate ways, but we've kept in touch constantly. To this day, years later we're as close as ever and we talk on the phone at least once a week. I think we tell each other just about everything. we reminisce about the old days, and i just i can't explain how much i love him (non romantically, i just genuinely feel so amazing having him in my life)
Idk I've not dated much in my life, but even when i meet someone and it goes nowhere something in my gut tells me not to worry, because they weren't the one because they're not him. I feel ridiculous and I tell myself no, that we're meant to be best friends forever but nothing more, and i think that i believe that, but there's always that voice in the far back of my mind that says, no matter how long i make the list of reasons we shouldn't and wouldn't end up together, my mind can't seem to just let go.
a part of me is like, "i know he's the one" the problem is I don't think i am the one for him. I've never felt good enough for him. And so sometimes i try to analyze myself and see where these thoughts come from. Sometimes I think, it's obvious he's really attractive and we have a beautiful friendship and of course people are going to joke about us ending up together, BUT i'm confusing the love i have for him as a person is getting mixed up with other people's opinions and stuff you see in movies. But the reality is in real life best friends don't end up together.
He's reacently started dating someone and i'm… i'm numb to it. The best friend in me is like "YES! GO BEST FRIEND! " And the other part of me is cynical, "sure it's cool for now but eventually it won't workout and you're gonna end up with me" and i don't want to think like that, i want to be happy for him, i also never want to reveal my inner feelings because what if he does marry someone else? If i say something we can't be friends,not like we are now because his future spouse may never trust me. he may think that he cannot be friends with me. i think once he finds someone they're most definitely going to be better best friends than we are now, that's really how it should be, and really maybe i'm overthinking but idk I feel like I just know how things are going to play out, but i don't want to, because if i'm wrong, and the doubt in my head says i am wrong, I just don't want to get hurt, or be sad i want to be genuinely happy and not try to find him in everyone else.
i want to let this go, but i don't know how…