Recently I went through a break up this month. I was pressured by others to break up since during the whole relationship is seemed like I was only there to comfort him and listen to anything he had an issue with. I lost myself somewhere, and valued his well being over mine. I put myself aside to help him. I found I got jealous of others, and it pained me to feel that way. Whenever I made an effort to look nice he would compliment me and then say it was unnecessary.
We dated for a year and a half. I tried to fix things between us right after since I knew it was a mistake and I loved him. at first he was willing but then it became I don't know, I don't know if i ever loved you. He was only a month into his freshman year at college but whenever we talked it was about issues. It was infrequent and i felt lonely. I myself am in college and was having a hard time in my major and most of the time was by myself. I missed him, but he wasn't there. He never looked past my I'm fine to say are you really? He didn't know how he felt after a year and a half not did he know After everything me. It wasn't I hid my feelings. I always went out of my way for him even when he hurt me. I always compromised and made sacrifices. I feel he has never done the same for me and his words don't back his actions. I want to cry, since i love this person but ultimately I can't be with him. He wanted to stay friends but really it was so I could be an option if on the off chance I was the one. I broke up a second time since a girl he said he may have feelings for tagged him. he told me never to post or tag him anywhere online. This really hurt me so I just couldn't. He will never understand the pain i am in. frankly I don't think he could care he likely hates me and thinks I'm shallow. I stopped trying to be friends when I realized I was an option and the sweet things he said only hurt me more. I could never date him again since I'm insecure. I would be scared he leave me, and I would end up blaming myself. I know a lot of this doesn't sound healthy. and I don't know what to do. I just hope eventually I feel nothing anymore. He can't be there for me and he won't try to be or fight for the ones he loves. I realized I am blessed with a few people who will be there for me on my worst days and not abandon me.