i feel like a burden. i feel like even though i know that what i feel is valid i am doing something wrong. i love you and i just want to love you without feeling like im breaking some law when i think about you. i want our relashionship to feel right when i'm alone the same way it feels right whem im holding you. i don't want to feel bad about being in love. i've made mistakes. so much of my mind is occupied by these toxic thoughts i cant baer to put effort into other things. im falling and i can stop myslef if i just reach out but i dont because i just wanted to self sabotage in some kind of sick punishment. i want to be good. i want to make you proud.i want to make myself proud. i dont know wjhat to do. it feels like im living two different lives. i just want the world to be ok with me loving you. why is this so hard? im just a dumb kid in love.