i dont think i deserve to live in this world. I cant love anybody. Everytime I fall for someone, i stop liking them after a little while. There is no such thing as a perfect person and i think ill never find the one for me. So whats the point of life?? Thats what everybody around cares for-falling in love. But i just cant do that. It all sounds so fake. They say they love each other forever, but i know its all a lie. I dont understand, how people can love someone, i cant, i dont know how, can you learn that? i guess not. I cant like the same person for a long time. I want to but i cant. I tried falling in love with a person, but then i just didnt have any feelings anymore. How is that possible, i like this person at first, and in an instant, i dont have any feelings anymore for them.
But its not only about that, its also the social life. My friends, they deserve a better friend than me. They love me and would do anything for me. Why am i not like that. Why am i not selfless and altruistic. I want to be but im just lazy. I dont even understand why they love me so much, i havent done anything wonderful.
There are so many things i dont like about myself, but im too lazy to change them. I dont know how to change them even. if i do, that wont be me. thats not how i am. why is life so complicated?