I destroyed my sax then gave it away . It was one of my favourite things , like the song and now I need it and could still have it if i had thought about what i was doing logically for a mosquitos fanny of a second . Im feeling like im an idiot and dont think its gonna be gettin any better . I used to have views where there are only worries and insecurities now and it is preventing me from living my life the way I want to. If I could get rid of these I know I could have the kind of conversation with people that feels right and not awkward. I could enjoy moments better and enjoy the company of others knowing that im living to my full potential and not wasting it in silence or saying things that have no reason for being said other than to break the silence. If with age this gets worse I will die a silent man with nothing said or done that has made me happy . The sax was a way for me to not be silent and I broke it for reasons i dont understand yet .