Sometimes I can’t breath. I feel constricted by my own stupid feelings. Basically, my Dad is really ill. I mean he’s dying. I seem to have an emotional block so I can’t talk to people about how I feel. I just pretend that everything is fine. Everyone thinks I’m so ‘strong’ as they put it which ends up with people off oading all of their feelings on to me. My Mum, who is looking after my dad feels the need to share every detail about his deterioration with me. I lie awake at night trying not to think about how scared I am, but that doesn’t work. Then I think about how scared my Dad must feel and I feel selfish. I wish there was just one person in the world who was always there for me, listening and understanding.

I’m not really sure why I’m even writing here. I think I was just going crazy sitting here on my own thinking about it.

I don’t want my Dad to die. He’s not even 50. He’s too young. I’m too young. He’s never going to walk me down the aisle. Or see me have children.

I don’t even know what to say to him. I am so emotionally stunted that I just make jokes. My Dad is the only person in the world who really gets me. He understands that I don’t like talking much. He’s the same. He’s the only one that I could talk to if I needed to and he’s the only one I can’t talk to about this.

If anyone reads this, please pray for my Dad. He really needs a miracle. I really need a miracle.

Chloe