It’s been a while since I’ve been compelled to write anything, knowing that this will somehow reach an audience other than the one I’m surrounded with. My mind has been in a flurry and I have nowhere to run, no where to go, no where to hide, no where to even turn to. Trying to find my own way of peace and it’s becoming tedious, more of a task than something that comes as natural as breathing or blinking does. Am I tired or am I just exhausted… do I feel possessed? By what exactly? My never ending drive to make it to the finish line.
Imagine: running in one spot, and the finish line just keeps getting further and further. Every night and day you run until your legs are fried, out of breath, gums throbbing and aching for the smallest drop of water..
I want to keep going, I don’t want to fail/fall where I am ; somehow knowing that I’ll make it, I’ll be where I see my self when I close my eyes at night. Clinging to the mere thought of relief… longing for the release of letting my hands go, as for they have been holding on for far too long.
Here with myself and no one else, finding comfort within my own mind but, also finding an unsightly enemy lurking about.
Shuddering at the thought of being seen it scurries back into the depths of depression and loneliness, yearning to be engulfed with fear and rage, holding hands with discomfort but locking eyes with despair.. how do we eliminate this target? So loud but never to make a sound, so big but to not be seen at all, to be surrounded by company but yet so lonely..